My Sundays

I hate Sundays, who doesn't? It's the worst day, the last day of the weekend and the previous day before school. It's like, you are happy that it's a day without school but sad because you know you have school tomorrow. My Sundays are worse. I can't sleep a lot because I have to wake up early to go to the church, then, we have a family lunch, then we need to do school stuff for tomorrow and go to sleep early. The only Sundays I like it's like today was. I had a Volleyball match, then, the team, we went to eat some hamburgers, we swam, we dance and we laugh. I love being in the team, it's the only place were I can be myself without being judge. Not like in the church, soon as the moment I walk in, people ask me how am I. I'm not fine! But I can't say it! So, stop asking that stupid question! And people smile at you for you to feel their support, but they all want to go to home an deal with their own problems, no-one is honest there. Why I have to go?

Control

I hate my parents being in control of my life. You can't sleep there, we don't know her parents, you can't date someone until you are older, don't wear that it's not appropriate. Seriously, guys, I'm 15, I don't want to have sex, I don't want to consume drugs, I'm not a slut. I just want to have fun with my friends, kiss a boy, or a girl, get drunk one night so I can regret the morning after. That it's what being a teenager is. Stop controlling my life. It's MY LIFE. Specially with my romantic life, they don't know that I already kissed a guy, a girl! Some books, my parents don't know that I read 50 Shadows of Grey. What if they find out? You'll probably see me in a nun school, or dead. Once being a teenager they have to let you be one. Or if not, I'll move out once I turn 18 and I can get the hell out of my house. Gosh! I can't wait for college.

Hello God. Are you there?

People always ask me what is God for me, I answer with love, a friend, a counselor. But really, I don't think that God is like that in anyway. In the church they teach us that God made us with a purpose. Well, i don't want to be his purpose, I want to make my own destiny. But, haven't you thougth that maybe all this you can choose, is fake? We all blame Satan for the bad things, he rebelled against God, but, what if he was meant to do that? What if God created him to make an example? To make us believe that we have a choice? That's why I don't want to believe in him, and because if we have a purpose, my friend Juliana? She is death, by cancer, a good person. Are you going to tell me that her purpose was to die? What about Jesus? Yes, he died for all of us. So what? He is dead. I don't want to be dead, I want to live, but for some reasons God is limiting my happiness.

So, what is God for you?

Liar

Lately I realized that... i'm a liar. I've been lying to all my friends, about my feelings, my sexuality, my self-confidence, the reasons why i don't go out with them. I'm a liar. But, i'm working in that, I finally accepted that i'm a liar, and I have to work on being honest now. First, i'm going to tell my principal lies.

1. My worst lie is about my sexuality, I like girls. Don't get me wrong, I like men, but I like girls too, and I really don't see the problem on being bisexual. But, my parents are christians, so I can't come out of the closet. I know, they will still love me because i'm her daughter. That's exactly the problem, they'll be forced to love me. So, I lie.
2. The second problem, I like being alone, I can't handle myself when I'm with people, I get angry. But, I don't feel well after telling a friend if he/she can leave me alone. So I lie, I put excuses. Like, I can't go out because my parents don't lend me, or, I have an activity and I have to go, and stuff.
3. Another big one. I'm in love of my best friend, she is so imperfect that makes her perfect for me, she is really honest, so much that she doesn't care if she hurst someone, for her, she is telling the truth. She is so funny, and she has a dumb laugh. Her eyes are beautiful, she dresses so bad, and she has a strong personality. But i love her. The problem, she is straight, and she doesn't know that I like her.
4. Other problem, i'm too confident. I always think that what i'm doing is right and I really hate when people correct me. 

You might be thinking that those are not a lot of lies, but, because of that, I lie everyday.